Jade West, Senior Year
by banjaxedcraic
Summary: It's Senior Year at Hollywood Arts, Beck is away, and Jade may have finally lost her mind. But why?
1. The Trashcan

Jade was sitting in the janitor's closet, scissors furiously working at the large plastic trashcan in her hands. She had been at it for the past hour, and so far no one had the audacity to approach her besides the fat janitor whom she had snapped at. When she finally worked the trashcan down to a pile of small squares, she pushed her scissors away from her, and then lay on top of the pile of plastic.

"Ok, now." Ordered Tori, and Andre banged the door open. They had gone looking for Jade and found her half an hour earlier, but both realized the state she was in, and who wanted to be caught by an emotional Jade when she was wielding her needle-nosed scissors? Jade hardly even flinched at the noise, not rolling over to even see who had entered her sanctuary. "Jade, you have to come out and go to class. This is not the way to spend the first day of your senior year." Tori pleaded.

"God Vega, no one made you come look for me. So just leave me here, ok? I don't want to do it, and I can't do it, so I won't do it. And you of all people cannot make me, got it? Now go away." She never moved from her fetal position. She never wanted to, ever again.

Tori looked hurt that Jade called her Vega, that didn't happen much anymore. She thought Jade was her friend and weren't friends supposed to be able to care about one another? Andre placed a comforting arm around her. "It's ok Tor, she's just mad right now. She just needs time." He said in hushed tones. Jade heard all of it, but couldn't bring herself to say anything. She wasn't mad at Tori specifically, well ok a little part of her was, she was the one who had suggested make up sex after all. And that was what had gotten her into this horrible mess. She wasn't mad at Beck either, but did he really have to take a movie in New Zealand right after junior year? Was being with her regularly actually that horrible? But she couldn't be selfish and tell him about everything because he would come home because he was a good loyal kid. She couldn't ruin his career so early on. She was angry at the universe though, because it had landed her pregnant. Not that she didn't want to have the baby; she had always wanted to have a baby. Until she found out she was clinically depressed. And how high the chances of any child of hers being depressed would be. And she had no desire to put any person through what she had been through. And now she was going to.

"Jade, tell me what's wrong." Said Cat as she lay on the floor next to Jade. So wrapped up in her own thoughts, she hadn't heard Tori suggest getting Cat, or her and Andre leaving the room. "You can tell me anything, and I love you no matter what, k?" Jade stiffened. Not Cat, she couldn't tell Cat. Cat and Beck were too close and Beck was not going to find out until the movie wrapped. "Jadelyn West you are going to tell me what is wrong right this instant or I will steal your box of scissors. Even the green ones." Jade turned over in shock.

"Caterina Valentine, is that blackmail?"

"Yes it was, now will you please tell me what's wrong? I'm so worried Jade. I was worried before but seeing you like this is so hard. I knew you weren't going to do well despite what you said, but Jade you're scaring me, and not the usual way." Jade could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. People always wondered why Cat was friends with a girl like Jade, and vice versa. Only Beck had ever really grasped the dynamic between the two, how they balanced each other. How Cat let her see the pretty things, and how Jade made all the images of real life clearer. They needed each other and both knew it, even if no one else did.

"Promise you won't tell anyone, not even Beck or Robbie or Andre or Tori?" Cat could keep her secrets, she always had. And if Jade didn't tell someone soon, she might as well take up residence in this closet.

"I promise. Whatever it is I won't tell anyone. I just don't want you to be this sad anymore. I need my Jade back." Jade smiled slightly and Cat lit up. "I knew I was a good thing!" she cried, "But Jadey stop stalling."

"I'm pregnant."


	2. Pills

p class="MsoNormal""YOU ARE WHAT?" Cat yelled, and the few people walking by in the hallway stopped and looked into the janitor's closet, but moved along very quickly when they realized that Jade was involved with whatever was happening. "Why am I just finding out now? How did I not figure that out myself?" Cat didn't look hurt, just slightly confused./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I just found out yesterday. Kind of a nasty surprise for me with school starting today and all. And having to deal with it by myself."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanSuddenly, Cat's face changes from one of shock to one of horror. "You don't plan on telling Beck at all, do you? That's why you didn't tell anyone, and don't want me telling anyone. You don't want Beck to know you were ever pregnant." Cat sat up and stared at Jade's curled form. Her best friend was going to get rid of a life that only two people in the whole world knew about. And one of those wasn't even the father./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanJade was suddenly overcome by a wave of exhaustion. She yawned and sleepily replied, "Of course he's gonna know. He's gonna get home and I'll be either huge or holding a tiny little baby. Or in labor, considering he's coming home right around what I think is the due date." She yawned again, and then shot up. "You thought I was going to get an abortion?" Cat nodded embarrassed. "I don't think I could ever do that. No, I know I couldn't. I just can't ruin Beck's career and you know that if anyone else finds out before I find ways to threaten them, the first thing they'll do is call him and start asking questions. I don't want that. Now come on, it's time for Sikowitz class, and he won't care if I fall asleep." And with that she strode out of the room, not giving a damn if anyone noticed the tear tracks on her face. Cat followed shortly after her, carrying Jade's second favorite pair of scissors and a one-inch square of plastic trashcan./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Hey Jade, I'm sorry about earlier, I know I shouldn't have barged in and all…" Tori's anxious and rushed apology came spilling out of her the second Jade took her seat on one of the couches their drama teacher had in his classroom instead of desks. Jade turned so her body faced Tori, not with malice but with earnest to have a real conversation. It was a look Tori had seen only twice before, once when Jade had shown up at her house in the middle of the night after she had broken up with Beck, and when Beck had first been offered the movie he was now off shooting. Tori quickly stopped apologizing, because the best way to handle Jade when she was neither being mean nor an emotional wreck, was to let her steer the conversation./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I know you were just worried about me and trying to be caring and helpful and I'm glad you give a damn, even if I don't show it. There is just so much going on in my life right now that I don't know how to handle. Beck is gone, far, far away and it's hard for us to even talk on the phone or video chat or hold a real conversation because of the time difference. And I haven't had to face the world without him since I was fourteen. I have never been in this school when he wasn't. We met the summer before we were freshman, started going out that August. I walked into my first day of art school with him. Every single day I was in this school I was with him in some way. Yeah we've broken up a few times after fights, but I still saw him, still ignored him, but still paid him tons of attention. Even broken up we were together, you know? And here I am, for the first time ever, facing school without Beck. Facing life without Beck. And it is so much harder than I ever thought it could be." Jade was glad Tori was just listening, not trying to interject as she had often done in the past. "And I'm sorry I contemplated stabbing you and Andre. But in case you missed it, I'm a little bit of a wreck right now." Jade sighed and slumped back into the couch./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanTori looked at her friend. The girl looked exhausted, like she hadn't slept for days. But Tori remembered the same look from her first year at Hollywood Arts. She looked like she did right before she was diagnosed with depression. Tori hadn't seen that look in over a year, not since Jade had been medicated. "Jade, I know you don't want me prying, but did you take your meds today? Because I know you got enough sleep last night, and you still look so tired." Tori expected Jade to say something mean, look angry at least. But for the second time that day, Jade didn't move./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Looks like you're going to be finding out a lot sooner than I expected. Closet after class." And then Jade promptly fell asleep, only to be woken by the bell at the end of class. "Ok Vega, let's go. Oh, and bring Cat." Tori rushed out of the room, looking for Cat who had bounded away at the bell. Jade slowly made her way to the janitor's closet, and noticed her pile of squares had not been thrown away. Cat walked into the room, looking dejected, which wasn't a very Cat-esque emotion./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Jade, why didn't you tell me you hadn't taken your pills? I have extras, you need them!" Jade looked at Cat and sighed./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Because I can't take them anymore. My body is producing enough hormones as is, and depression pills are just hormones. Something could go wrong. There could be…defects. I want a healthy baby Cat!" Jade hadn't realized she said anything out loud until she realized Tori wasn't breathing normally./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You're pregnant?" a shocked Tori looked at Jade in awe. This was not what she had been expecting when Jade said 'find out.' She had been thinking new pills, or something else to do with Beck. Granted, this was something to do with Beck./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yes Tori, I'm pregnant. And you are not going to tell a soul. And I mean a soul. You are not going to tell Andre. You are not going to tell Robbie or Rex or Trina. And so help me you are NOT going to tell Beck. And before you think what our little Cat here thought, yes I am going through to term carrying this child and yes I am going to keep it. But as much as I continuously hate admitting it, you and Beck are friends. Plus, you are on the verge of doing Andre, who is Beck's best friend. So you know that if he finds out, he'll be on the next plane home from New Zealand. And you know Andre will not be able to keep it from him until I find some way to scare him over his loyalty to Beck. Beck will come home to either a pregnant Jade, or Jade and baby. And all I can do is hope that he doesn't leave me. So keep your mouth shut Vega!" Tori looked at Jade in a mixture of horror and adoration. Jade then turned to Cat. "I also do not plan on telling my mother, so I'll work my schedule around hers so I shouldn't run into her. Not running into my dad and stepmother shouldn't be an issue, seeing as they can't stand me anyways. Do you know the name of the doctor your mom went to when she was pregnant with your brother?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanCat nodded. "I'll make you an appointment for tomorrow morning."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"No, tomorrow afternoon. I need to go see my psychopharmecologist today about getting new medication for the depression that won't hurt the baby." Jade clearly looked concerned by the fact she was going to have to change her meds again, after having gone through hell trying to find ones that worked the first time, and still having to change every once in a while. "And see if the last change is responsible for fetus growing inside me."/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanTori looked at Jade confused. "What do you mean if the change is responsible for the baby? Birth Control isn't 100%." Jade looked at Tori and sighed./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yes but birth control is hormones and my meds are hormones. One could interfere with the other, so the new meds I went on a few weeks before I got pregnant could have cancelled out my birth control and I wouldn't have known. So while I was still taking the pill it wasn't doing anything at all." Jade slumped against the wall. "I wish I would have known they failed. We could have used protection, this wouldn't be happening." Tori stood looking at Jade's hunched form. She looked defeated and powerless, whereas the usual Jade was always in control. It was scary to see someone so fierce and combative look like that./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /spanCat walked back into the closet. "Ok, I made you an appointment for tomorrow. They're really discreet and everything, so there shouldn't be any worries about released information or anything at all." Jade looked relieved, at least one part was over and done with./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Thanks Cat, I owe you. Now can someone drive me home? All this stress is making me tired." Jade did look like she was liable to fall asleep at any moment, and Tori and Cat exchanged a worried look./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"Yeah, I'll get Andre to drive you home. I'll be back in a bit." Tori said gently. Jade's head snapped up, eyes angry./p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-tab-count: 1;" /span"You tell him any of this Vega, and I swear you will regret it for the rest of your short and pathetic life." Tori looked extremely disturbed by Jade's mood swings, but hurriedly left to go get Andre. /p 


	3. Dead End

"Now I'm sorry Ms. West, but according to your medical history, I'm afraid you only have two options." Jade sat in her doctor's office, leg bouncing nervously. "You can either come off of your prescription and deal with your full range of depression, or…"

The doctor obviously wasn't moving quickly enough for Jade. "Or what doc? Just hurry up and spit it out."

"Or you can abort the fetus and keep on your prescribed regimen." Jade's face dropped, and she felt as if she was going to hurl. "Ms. West, are you quite alright?" Her head snapped up at him, her eyes glowing with distain.

"Get the girl in the waiting room with the unnaturally red hair." The dignified old doctor stood slowly, not used to taking orders from his patients. "NOW." He jumped at the low octave of her voice, and walked with great purpose to the waiting room, where the vividly red headed girl was pacing right outside the door.

"She requests your presence." Cat ran down the hallway, glancing in each door to find the exam room her friend was in.

When she reached the last door on the left, she slowed before looking in. Sure enough, there was Jade, bent almost double, in some kind of trauma.

"Jade, what's wrong! Talk to me, I'm here now." Cat knelt next to her silently sobbing friend, and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Without moving, Jade spoke in a low, hoarse whisper. "I can either be crazy or a killer. There isn't another way. As much as I didn't want this baby at first, as much as I worried it would be as freaky and messed up as I was, I don't think I can bring myself to destroy something that is a part of me. That is a part of Beck. But I just don't know if I can go back to being insane." She laid her head against her friend's. "I just don't know."

"You were never insane Jade. A little messed up, but never crazy. And we were all there for you the first time you were like this; we can deal with a second. And if we can deal, so can you missy. You're stronger than all of us anyways." Cat smiled down at Jade, stroking her hair. "You'll be fine."


	4. Of Course

_"Hey babe, I tried to call when I thought you would be awake but I guess I missed you. Hope you're sleeping well. I miss you tons Jade, I really do. But I might be popping home sometime for a visit as it's awards show season and most of the other actors in this movie are nominated for something, so no filming would be getting done. Sleep well love."_ Jade huffed in frustration for the second time that day.

"I really don't see why this is such a problem Jade, you aren't showing. And no one but me and Tori and your doctor know, so he shouldn't find out." Cat tried consoling her pacing friend after listening to the voicemail that had vaulted Jade into her first bout of morning sickness that day. "Jade, your own mother doesn't even know, how the hell will Beck?" Jade screamed in frustration.

"Of course he will, he always knows everything. He was the one who figured out the depression thing, he always could tell when I was sick or sad with one glance. He's going to know. And then he's going to quit his movie and come home and ruin his career and everything is going to be over. He's a good kid. He always has to do the right thing. He'll come back and marry me and I don't want him to feel like I ruined his life five years down the road." Cat suddenly realized, for the first time, what Jade meant, why she was so paranoid about Beck finding out.

She put her arms around Jade's shoulders, hugging her friend from behind. "Jade, if he loves you as much as he says, he would never regret you, never leave you. And I know that's what you're afraid of, so don't even bother lying to me. You're a good actress though. How well can you fake a cold?"


	5. Mission Impossible?

"Beck, hey Beck! Over here!" called Cat, as soon as she spotted the dark boy walking through the terminal. An entire motley crew had assembled to collect Beck from the airport, save one very important Jade.

"Hey guys, how are you?" Beck said, as Cat nearly knocked the wind out of him with one of her bone crushing hugs. Once she let go he hugged Tori and slapped Andre and Robbie on the back. "Where's Jade?"

Tori looked at Cat who nodded so slightly that no one else even noticed. Then she spoke. "She's sick at home with this awful cold. She doesn't want to get you and half the state of California sick too, so she's quarantined herself in order to prevent any kind of 'world epidemic.' You know how she is, always exaggerating." Beck laughed and slung his arm around Cat's shoulders.

"Well, if she's going to insist on being difficult, so will I. Take me to this plague ridden damsel, so I may heal her with my boyishly good looks!" The boys laughed, as Cat and Tori shared another secretive look. This plan might actually work.


	6. What Would I Do?

Jade perked up as her phone buzzed, signaling a text from Cat. She ran into her bathroom and ran a blow dryer over forehead, trying to imitate a fever. She also let it blow into her ears for a good minute, so a thermometer would pick up the heat as well. She relied on her natural paleness and lack of makeup to make herself look ill, and climbed into bed in an old tee shirt of Beck's and some oversized sweats. She then forced herself into a coughing fit in order to develop the raspy voice she always ended up with while sick. Beck's freakish vibes be damned, she was an excellent actress.

Even so, she flinched at the sound of Andre's car pulling into her driveway. She relaxed once she heard the sound of Cat's voice though, knowing her best friend was on her side in all of this, and was trying to help her. She forced another coughing fit as the door opened, and then lay back in her bed as the familiar sound of Beck's boots came clomping up the stairs.

He opened her door slowly, and then came to sit on the edge of her bed like he had done so many times before. "Hey Jadey, not feeling good? Who am I kidding; you're in bed in the middle of the day. You're sick missy." Jade gave a weak smile at the sound of his voice, god she had missed him. At that moment she almost considered telling him everything, just so he would come home and he would be there with her through all of the impending hell. She needed him more than those movie people. But then the same crippling vision that haunted her nightmares flashed before her eyes. Beck losing the movie, his career over, the resentment, the fighting, the turmoil. None of that was worth it, just so she didn't have to be pregnant alone.

"I'm going to kill Sinjin, coming to school with a nasty fucking cold and making me all infectious." Beck laughed and shook his head. Very rarely did Jade swear, another sure sign she was feeling awful. She was definitely sick; Beck could tell something was wrong. He always could with her, never knew why.

Cat stuck her head through the doorway. "Hey Jade, I'm going to make you some soup ok? It'll help you feel better." Jade nodded, knowing Cat was going to make the herbal soup her doctor had recommended for the first trimester morning sickness. It was another one of those things that just seemed to fall perfectly into place. This whole crazy plan, this all might actually work. Everything would be ok. It had to be.

Beck leaned down to pull off his heavy boots, and then lay down next to Jade. She silently thanked the universe that she hadn't yet begun to show or gain much weight, and she slipped into his arms the way she had for years. She loved this boy, more than anything. She would do anything for him. Even keeping the biggest secret from him. They never had secrets, that was why they worked so well. It might hurt him, missing this, especially her lying to him. But he would understand, and she would apologize until her tongue felt out if she had to. It would be worth it. It just had to be.

At that moment Cat came up with the soup, which as bad as it looked, was actually a miracle in disguise. It did wonders to soothe her stomach, and didn't actually taste as bad as the grey-green color would have her believe. Or Beck, who flinched when he saw what she was eating. "What on earth is that?" he asked Cat, who just shrugged her shoulders.

Jade let out a small raspy laugh. "I don't know and I don't care, I feel a little better already." Beck smiled, and stuck his finger into the concoction for a taste, and raised his eyebrows in suspicion when it was passable in taste. Cat giggled, and left the room. Jade then turned to Beck. "So how's the movie?"

Beck lay back on her bed and sighed. "It isn't horrible, I'll tell you that. I don't really do much, probably since I'm the newcomer. It is entertaining watching all the big name reviewers trying to figure out who is playing Dionysus, since most of the other people with big credits are A or B listers. I've filmed two scenes so far, but both about seventeen times. Umm… Alan Rickman isn't as intimidating as his movie roles would lead you to believe. I also don't completely understand the plot of this movie, since I only get to read my scenes, so I can't give you a synopsis or anything. So there it is, movie glamour!" He laughed briefly, then his face fell. "I miss you Jade. Leaving voicemails and a handful of text messages isn't the same as being here, as being with you. I knew this was going to be hard but I never realized how hard it really would be."

Jade sighed, she knew that at this point if she even let on about anything he would quit the movie. And this was his whole future. "I know, but think about it. This is your whole future! And we're going to make this work, obviously. It's us, Beck. And if it means I need to fin a way to be awake at two in the morning, I'll buy a new alarm clock. Just remember that this is it, that it's all worth it, right?"

"What on earth would I do without you?"


End file.
